Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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