I'm going to jail i love you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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