i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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