I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
