You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
