I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
