my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
