What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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