he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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