Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
