Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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