do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
