i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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