I look better un-naked...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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