she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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