I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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