there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
