dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
