my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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