You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
