my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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