after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
