you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
