hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
