I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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