my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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