At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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