AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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