Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
