If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have aggressive nipples.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think my moral compass just broke
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
