look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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