They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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