We need to rekindle our bromance
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
