My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
