I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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