OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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