I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
