You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
