well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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