I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
