The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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