The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
