my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
