# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
