im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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