Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
