So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drunk is not a location!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
