I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
