So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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