This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
