Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
