Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
