Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
