if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
