Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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