He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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