p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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