just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
