Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
