I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
