i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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