if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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