Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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