is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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