I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I could fuck to npr.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
