she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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