Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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