what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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