***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
